Summer Wheat

The raw power of mother nature is a subtle force behind this piece. As is the dream to be somewhere other then were you are. You create a murky dark place and fill it with smoke and them with a simple twist and the word dream it becomes a masterpiece beautiful clear and vividly painted.

Ello. You had some great imagery in there. I could really see and feel what the narrator was seeing and feeling. I felt it could have flowed better, though. Not your typical poem, but good all the same!

Ripcord, some of the lines used in this are fantastic..It sways a little but your writing has improved in the past two years..I was on before but cannot remember the name I used then..Good to be bzck..God bless..Valentine

To find that land of which I dream,
Where sways the golden summer wheat.

Those 2 did it for me, I like it, except you have to wait for summer to enjoy your dream.

Loved it roger, just a couple of stumbling blocks for me such as 'Else stunt his growth this smoke it would' just seems a little uncomfortable. Other than that a nice piece

I liked it.

THIS IS A TEST EDIT, THIS IS A TEST EDIT, THIS IS A TEST EDIT, There, I've said it.

Nice original approach Roger. I like this tale for many reasons but a couple of things flashed up in a negative sense. You referred to central heating, which is a domestic product usually when a person is sleeping (the sleeping suggests domesticity) yet the poem then talks of factory fumes. This could even be factually correct in terms of a leakeage etc, but it doesn't read well.

L5 S4 sees the poem squeezed as 'gainst is shortened to make it fit I believe and this suggests a compromise where better phrasing and word choices would maintain the flow and avoid archaic shortening. I love the romantic notion of the ending and generally I like the rhythms of the poem.

It's a thumbs up from me Roger, but as a draft right now.

Best..Neil