I do not like what I see

5.8 (1)

Written by nickkler February 11, 2010 Hits: 93 Favorites

I do not like what I see

Now that I am sober and free

From your substance, I abused

Almost turned into a tree

So much hatred in your world

My heart is full of remorse

You are killing anyone in sight

In the name of something green

I sit down in solitude

Trying to reason your beliefs

So much time is still left to conquer

I will spend the rest of me

Tired of untimely death, you are

In state of a constant plea

Too scared to be alive

You are looking for something new

Always trying to run down

Ones that are free

Shredding them into pieces

Knotting them into a grief

I do not like what I see

Now that I am sober and free

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Overall rating:		5.8
Readability:		7.0 (1)
Structure:		4.0 (1)
Content:		8.0 (1)
Technical:		4.0 (1)
Emotional:		5.0 (1)

Improve the technicality.

Overall rating:		5.8
Readability:		7.0
Structure:		4.0
Content:		8.0
Technical:		4.0
Emotional:		5.0

Reviewed by Mattraz
February 17, 2010
Top 50 Reviewer

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0 of 0 people found the following review helpful

Great message, very thought provoking. Some of the technichal elements were strange to me, however. Sometimes you use rhyme scheme, sometimes not. Try to be more consistant in this regard. Also, you would make the content hit home better by alluding to the things you mention, rather than concretely state them. Good luck!